But they must. Failure to do so can lead to burnout, injury or illness. If you are the caregiver, any of these results will harm your ability to care for your loved one.

Here are some ways to take care of yourself and make sure you can take care of your loved one. The list is adapted from New York Times columnist Jane Brody’s excellent Nov. 17, 2008, column, “Caring for Family, Caring for Yourself.”

1. Take a break every day. Make sure you have some down time to relax, whether it’s watching television, reading the newspaper, or calling a friend. Make sure you do at least one thing for yourself every day.
2. Take a break every week. If possible, get out of the house at least once a week to do something you want to do — go to the movies, have dinner with friends, whatever works for you. If you cannot get someone to cover for you, have friends over to your house.
3. Get respite. Take a break of at least a week at least once a year. You can hire help in the house or arrange for a respite stay at an assisted living facility or nursing home.
4. Get regular exercise. It’s necessary for your health and to moderate any stress you may be feeling. If you can’t get out of the house to exercise, buy or rent a stationary bicycle or other exercise equipment.
5. Eat well. Make sure you stay healthy and have sufficient energy to do what you need to for your loved one.
6. Get enough sleep. Lack of sleep will sap your patience and reserves, making it more difficult for you to provide the care you would like to give your loved one.
7. Join a support group. While you may or may not be in this alone, you’re not the only one in this situation. Others are going through similar experiences. Here are sources for finding support groups: the National Family Caregivers Association (www.nfcacares.org) and its Community Action Network (www.thefamilycaregiver.org), and the Family Caregiver Alliance and its online support group (www.caregiver.org).
8. Hire a geriatric care manager. An experienced geriatric care manager can help you determine whether your loved one is receiving the most appropriate care and what resources in the community are available to assist you. For more on geriatric care managers, click here.
9. Consult with an elder law attorney. In order to access many of the programs recommended by the geriatric care manager, your loved one will have to qualify financially. An elder law attorney can help you qualify for these benefits. In addition, make sure you don’t get hit with a double financial whammy of losing years of earnings while you’re caring for your family member and losing his or her assets due to squabbles with other family members or Medicaid estate recovery. Also, you may be entitled to some pay by the state for the care you are providing. To speak with a qualified elder law attorney, contact Jill E. Sugarman, Esq. at 401-421-5115 ext 217 or by e-mail at JSugarman@McLaughlinQuinn.com.
10. Lotsa Helping Hands. Check out www.lotsahelpinghands.com as a resource for getting volunteer help in your community and coordinating the help your family and friends already provide.In short, think of the care you are providing as a marathon, not a sprint. You need to pace yourself and conserve your energy for the long-term. Too much stress and exhaustion won’t help your loved one.

In short, think of the care you are providing as a marathon, not a sprint. You need to pace yourself and conserve your energy for the long-term. Too much stress and exhaustion won’t help your loved one.

Nearly 10 million adults age 50 and over care for an aging parent, MetLife says. For the individual female caregiver, the cost impact of caregiving on in terms of lost wages, pension and Social Security benefits averages $324,044. For male caregivers, the figure is $283,716.

The study also identified a dramatic rise in the share of men and women providing basic parental care over the past decade and a half. In 1994, only 9 percent of women and 3 percent of men and were providing care. By 2008, the percentage of women caregivers had more than tripled to 28 percent, while the figure for men had quintupled to 17 percent. “Basic care” is defined as help with personal activities like dressing, feeding, and bathing. Daughters are more likely to provide basic care and sons are more likely to provide financial assistance, the study found.

“Undoubtedly, the impact of the aging population has resulted in increased need within families for family caregiving support,” the study notes.

At the same time, MetLife found that adult children age 50 and over who work and provide care to a parent are more likely to have fair or poor health than those who do not provide care to their parents.

The study was based on an analysis of data from the 2008 National Health and Retirement Study (HRS).

The findings have implications for individuals, employers and policymakers, MetLife concludes. Individuals, it says, should consider their own health when caregiving and should prepare financially for their own retirement. Employers can provide retirement planning and stress management information and assist employees with accommodations like flex-time and family leave.

On the policy side, although only a few states mandate paid family and medical leave, “clearly this policy would benefit working caregivers who need to take leave to care for an aging parent,” the study notes. MetLife also notes that the CLASS Act, a voluntary long-term care insurance program that is part of the new federal health reform law, will provide some coverage for long-term care needs as well as raise public awareness of the issue.

For more on the study, “The MetLife Study of Caregiving Costs to Working Caregivers: Double Jeopardy for Baby Boomers Caring for Their Parents,” click here.

For more information on estate planning and long-term care options, please contact Jill E. Sugarman, Esq. at 401-421-5115 or by e-mail at JSugarman@McLaughlinQuinn.com.

The National Family Caregivers Support Program supports family caregivers of adults aged 60 or older or anyone with Alzheimer’s disease. It also funds services to grandparents and relative caregivers, age 55 or older, of children 18 years of age or under or who care for a relative with a disability age 19 to 59.

Under the program, states must provide the following five types of services:

• Information about available services
• Assistance in accessing services
• Counseling, support groups, and training
• Respite care for the caregiver, which could be through companions, home health aides, adult day care, or in-facility care
• Supplemental services, such as medical supplies, home safety aides, legal assistance, and financial consultation

The exact services vary from state to state, but caregivers can receive anything from training seminars to case management to home-delivered meals. The services provided are supposed to make daily tasks and routines a little easier.

Click here for more information about these services in Rhode Island.

Click here for more information about these services in Massachusetts.

Or, contact Law for Life attorney Jill E. Sugarman by e-mail at jsugarman@mclaughlinquinn.com or by phone at 401-421-5115, for more information.

If you intend to leave your children equal shares of your estate, don’t forget to consider any money or property held jointly with a child. Property in a joint account passes outside of your estate. If you add a caregiver child to one of your bank accounts out of convenience, the account will pass to that child alone when you die. This is true for any property held in joint tenancy or any property in a POD (Pay on Death) account. If you don’t intend for that child to receive a bigger share of your estate, you can add a provision in estate planning documents stating that any property passing through joint tenancy to a beneficiary will be treated as an advancement of that beneficiary’s share.

On the other hand, you may intend to leave one child a different share of your estate than your other children. For example, you may want to reward a caregiver child or you may feel that a child with a disability needs a bigger share. If you do decide to favor one child over another, you should explain in detail your reasoning in your estate planning document. This may help your children understand your decision. You also need to make it clear that it is your decision and not the influence of the favored child. If your children are unhappy with how much they have received, they may try to challenge your will.

The elder law attorneys at McLaughlin & Quinn, LLC’s Law For Life can help you ensure your estate is divided the way you intend.  For more information, please contact Jill E. Sugarman, Esq. by phone at 401-421-5115 or by e-mail at jsugarman@mclaughlinquinn.com.